When Time Marches On

May 31, 2012

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At small group last night, I talked with my friends about how surreal life feels right now…how it seems like a lifetime ago that we lost sweet Mary, and how difficult it is at times to see things going back to “normal” when, in reality, things aren’t normal at all anymore. I wrote this poem in lieu of that conversation and wanted to share it with you all. I don’t know that I’ve ever written a poem apart from homework assignments in high school, so forgive me if it doesn’t make much literary sense or follow a specific format :).

When Time Marches On

What do you do when time marches on?
When all that’s left are memories of a time too short,
When pictures and blankets are the only thing to which you can point?

What do you do when time marches on?
When others around you seem to forget,
But the pain inside is still so real your heart might split?

What do you do when time marches on?
When grass grows tall where her sweet body lays,
When from your mind the feel and smell of her skin begin to stray?

What do you do when time marches on?
You cling to Him who is the Resurrection and the Life;
       who conquered the grave and set us free,
You fight for faith and beg for eyes to see Him clearly.

What do you do when time marches on?
You set your eyes on things above,
Knowing she is complete and safe in the arms of Love.

What do you do when time marches on?
Even though you don’t hold her now,
You hope in Him and wait expectantly for the day when you will again kiss her precious brow.

I love you, Mary.

Love,
Mommy

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5 Responses to “When Time Marches On”

  1. fwinslow said

    Amanda- your faith stirs my in places that I have never quite been stirred before. I have thought so many times about the blog your sister wrote about your blessedness…”blessed-BLESSED-are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” She wrote of the comfort you know, are knowing and will know and how it is intimate and unique and blessed beyond what others who have not mourned will ever know. You are blessed as you walk on- as time marches on. I am blessed for knowing you and witnessing your faith in action. Thank you for opening your life and sharing your hope. It is the best witness anyone could ask for- you are light in this world.

  2. Suni Savage said

    This is beautiful, Amanda. I am so sorry for the pain that you are having to endure. Obviously I haven’t experienced this kind of sorrow, but I truly admire you sharing your feelings so that we all may grieve with you and be blessed by your strength.

  3. Tammy Heavner said

    Amanda, your grieving is completely normal. You are going through the stages, I can see it. You want people to say her name, you want people not to forget her. Yet each day it slips further from people’s minds but not from yours. I understand. But know that your strength is amazing. Your faith is amazing. You are getting through it. Blogging helps. 🙂 Big hugs.

  4. Naomi said

    Oh sweet friend! I love this poem you have written and I just love you so much and wish I could hug you right you. Your faith through your pregnancy and the loss of Mary is truly inspirational. Thank you for sharing your journey with the rest of us. I often find myself mentally and emotionally turning to your situation for strength and think that if Amanda can cling to Him, find rest in Him through the most difficult situation I can imagine then who am I to not cling constantly to Him through my daily life. Thank you for letting the rest of us in. I love you and sweet Mary too!

  5. Leanne said

    You have amazing strength and faith…I understand your pain. One of the best things you can do is exactly what you are doing, talking, writing about your journey. Others around you will not think of Mary as frequently as you do…they cannot know the intimacy of your pain. Be comforted in the fact that the pain WILL fade, eventually when you think of Mary there will be sadness but the pain will be stilled. Our Rhys would have been 18 yrs in April, I see his cousins at that age and wonder what he would haven been like, that thought brings no pain, just a wistful imagining, as handsome and happy as he could ever be. He will always be our guardian angel, a loving, kind and generous spirit to keep us looking forward, not back. Time really does help and you’ll see that people do/will remember Mary, they just hesitate to mention it because they are afraid of causing you additional pain. Keep talking/blogging about your experiences and let the love of God, family and friends help you bear this cross. We continue to keep you all in our prayers…

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